The world is getting smaller

Half of my day yesterday spent at Toyota Sales & Service (not that I'm complaining.. wink, wink). Had to ask my colleague to email a few docs to me so that I could finish my work from there. It is just fascinating with the tech, we could be anywhere but still be able to work.

Entry 27th September 2008

Dear family, friends and foe,

I have just deleted my entry dated above as I feel that it is just way too personal to be read by any Tom, Dick and Harry. To those who have left encouraging comments, thank you so much for your support. I know I am loved and being cared by all of you. Thank you all...

At this moment, I am in the process of rebuilding my life and retracing my steps to the next best laid plan. Please pray with me I'll get through this difficult time smoothly and safely. InsyaAllah...

I hate waiting!!!

Ape barang kena tunggu neh? Sakit la jiwa aku weih... Ingat aku neh ape? Tunggu, tunggu... eeeiiii... sunggoh la babieeee...


Hokay... enuff, kang banyak - banyak sangat perkataan tak elok kang kena DEMERIT lak. Wahaha. I better not say bad words here. Ngesngesnges...


Me at St@rbucks waiting for this person to come from 8pm tadi tau. Batang hidung pun tarak nampak lagi. Hamfes tol. Sib baik ada HPku ini wat peneman. Lagi setengah jam, mampos la plak notebook nih. Pastu tak bawak adapter... Sunggoh pandai kan kan kan...

What a day!!!! Hmpphfff

Something I received thru my email

Baru je bukak mail for today and received this from a long lost friend. Thank you Amar kerana mengingatkan kami semua kepada yang telah meninggalkan kita. The truth is I myself selalu teringatkan Arwah Man walaupun I tak rapat dengan dia. I remembered the evening before he passed away, he actually smiled and spoke to me padahal I tak pernah bercakap dengan dia sebelum tu. Here's what Amar wrote:

Jumaat
12:50 pagi
29/03/02
Bilik Study GMi

Pagi tadi aku bangun 7.40 pagi. Pegi bilik Yeop nak pinjam kereta (thnx man, jasa mu akan kukenang...) . Gerak dari hostel GMi pukul 8.40 antar beg Dan kat bukit damansara. Lepak kedai Dan sampai pukul 9 lebih, makan lebih kurang and also pau Dan 10/= (thnx dude.....). Sampai hostel balik dalam pukul 10.00, bagi kunci kete kat Wak. Time aku nak masuk rumah je, shit!!! baru perasan pintu kunci!!!

Lepak umah Jai sorang2 tgk tv.... boring giler. Terpaksa skip class agama and calculus. Save number phone Azman (selayang / mecha 2004) dlm h/p. Semalam tgh hari dia call aku sebab nak pulang kan calculator yg dia pinjam before. Aku kenal Man Mecha dari IKM lg, dia junior aku satu sem. Walaupun x kenal rapat, but we know each other. Dia pulak kenal rapat ngan member aku budak Vi (Reza & Wan).

Call apek ngan man gemok tp x dpt, pukul 11.20 baru dapat. Habis 1.70/=!!!. Jumpa Ed, dia balik hostel nak amik kad charity run (utk amik baju). Apek balik hostel bawak kunci umah. Pegi GMi ngan Apek time lunch. Settlekan presentation for microP. Jumpa Man Mecha kat cermin library, dia jalan kat luar, sempat kutuk man gemok and say hi kat aku.

Pegi class microP, sebelum masuk class hisap rokok kejap ngan man gemok n tod. On the way nak gi class jumpa Man Mecha dgn bebdk class dia. Dia ckp man gemok jalan mcm young & dangerous! Presentation microP okay. Balik pukul 5.40 ptg. Mkn nasi lemak 2 bungkus terus naik atas tidur...

Pukul 8.00 mlm dpt berita Man Mecha meninggal. Accident near zoo negara. Call Reza & Wan. Dorg sempat tgk jenazah kat hospital. Tak tau aper citer sgt sebab payah nak call, credit xde! Study microP sikit esok test.

Semoga roh Man Mecha dicucuri rahmat.
Al-Fatihah.. ......... .......

Assalamualaikum semua...... B4 ni aku x penah tulis kat group ni. This is my 1st time. X tau la kalu korg igt lg aku ke x! Petikan kat atas aku salin balik masa aku tulis malam arwah Man Mecha meninggalkan kita. Esok tu aku ngan bebdk class aku pegi reramai ziarah pengebumian Man. Bebdk batch dia pun ramai dtg including EIT2004. Aku bukan nak sentimental sgt. Tp biasalah, time2 bulan puasa n nak raya ni. Kt mesti terigtkan org yg dah xde n also terigtkn kenangan ngan memember.... Hopefully korg semua x lupakan dia....

Ramadhan 2008

This is the fourth Ramadhan after the turning point.

InsyaAllah I am still on the track even though I do "tergelincir" a couple of times this year. I realised that I am not that strong. I need to learn more. I also realised that the more I try do good, the more obstacle I will have to face. Banyak betul dugaan saya.

This Ramadhan, for me, is the time for muhasabah diri. I have not been myself for quite sometime and I need time to reflect myself. This is the time for me to sit down and think and rethink whether decisions made by myself earlier on was the right decisions I made for my life.

I really don't know at the moment where my life would lead to right now. I am almost 32 but I still am still searching, searching for the right answers to my questions on life. Searching for clues that could help me decide which path to choose to walk through the journey of my life.

Hmm... mengingatkan I pada Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken.

No title for this one

Dah nak masuk 2 minggu dah rasa macam ni. Rasa macam penat sangat. Sangat - sangat tak bermaya. Nampak sangat umur makin meningkat.

Tadi, thanks to Facebook, I "jumpa" balik my TESL friends. Most of them are married and some of them dah ada anak... Memang patut pun.

Last Saturday, I pergi wedding my ex-colleague. The truth: I memang tak nak pergi, bukan sebab tak happy diorang nak kahwin, but I takut I tak boleh nak control my emotions. Lately, I senang nak mengalir airmata bila cakap pasal weddings nih.

When will mine be? I don't know, I really don't. I wish I could have a definite answer. A definite answer could help me move on with my life. Bukan macam sekarang. Rasa macam stuck. I can't be here nor there. Ntah la, tengok je la macam mana nanti...

Ingatkan dia?

It's a long break

Hmm... Yeah, I know, you don't have to rub it in. It has been what, 3 months since my last post. I must say, there's so much things happening around me, personally and professionally. Penat la wei...

No time ka? Not really. Just plain tired (More of lazy sebenarnya). Tapi ada satu cerita ni yang I akan tulis. Something that I have kept to myself for a long, long time. This was the month, 7 years ago.

So in the mean time, sabo yer, I janji akan publish jugak nanti, before the month ends....

Soul Cleansing Odessey

I was there and I want to be there again.
I do hope I will be invited again next year.
InsyaAllah....

Kenapa ek?

Friends used to ask me how come there are no pictures of anyone in my purse or diaries or even in my bedroom. And my answer would always be "Player mana boleh ada benda - benda macam tu, nanti kantol", hehe. Player ke aku neh? Huahaha.

But now, not only I have his picture in my purse, his face is also the wallpaper in my phone. Kenapa ek? Hehe... Buang tebiat kot...

My Big Sister is Coming Home

Yep, she'll be home just in time for the Pilihanraya. Plans are made, rooms are cleaned, so, kita tunggu dia balik je la kan... Seronok la pulak!

Kes Tersilap Cakap

Ya Ampuuuunnnn! Semalam saya dah tercakap sesuatu yang tak sepatutnya saya cakap pada seseorang itu. I hope dia tak perasan, but if dia perasan, MALUNYERRRR...

Arrrgh geram betullah!

Terkenang Zaman Dulu...

We were having tea at the garden one evening when we heard our neighbour were screaming at her son not play outside the house, "it's not safe", she said. I suddenly remembered the good old days when I was about the boy's age.

Those days, right after Asar I would be out playing in the streets. Riding my bike, paddling so fast imagining I'm in a race. Once, I accidently banged a nyonya, she was hurt and I panicked. I just cycled home and hid under the bed. Hey, I was only 5 or 6 then. I was scared okay. Don't blame me for not helping the poor old nyonya. But that incident definitely did not stop me from cycling again the next day.

Then there were rounders. It is something like baseball but we used a flat papan (wood) as the bat. The ball would be a tennis ball. We would be running around with only our underwears, boys and girls.

I was a bit lasak when I was young. I always thought I was a boy. I climbed trees instead of playing barbie. I scraped my knees lots of time. I had ikan laga, lots of them. I just love being outside the house. There was nothing to be scared of. It was safe then...